Episode 345: Matt Abrahams
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The Delicate Dance of Communication
Do you find communication a necessary evil rather than a tool for success? How can you use communication as a fundamental key to success in both your personal and professional lives?
Matt Abrahams is a Lecturer in Organizational Behavior at Stanford University’s Graduate School of Business, podcaster, and author. His latest book is Think Faster, Talk Smarter: How to Speak Successfully When You're Put on the Spot.
Matt and Greg dissect the difference between rehearsed and spontaneous communication, demonstrating how mastering both is within reach and discuss the pivotal role of mindset and attitude in the journey to effective communication. Matt gives insight on both providing and receiving feedback, and they explore how communication styles and preferences change between eras and age groups. Matt reveals how stories and structures enhance communication and how anyone can get better at communication with practice.
*unSILOed Podcast is produced by University FM.*
Episode Quotes:
Is there a universally 'correct' way to communicate?
16:52: There is no one right way to communicate. There are better ways and worse ways, but no one right way. And when you put pressure on yourself to do it right, however you define that, you actually almost guarantee you will do it more poorly. Why? Your brain is like a computer. It's not a perfect analogy, but for this, it works. You only have so much processing power. You only have so much bandwidth. And if part of your bandwidth is being exercised by evaluating what you're doing, as you're doing it, the entire time you're doing it, you have less bandwidth to focus on what you're saying. So, I'm not saying we don't judge and evaluate our communication—you must. But if we can turn that volume down a little bit and just allow ourselves to do what comes naturally, we will typically do better because we have more bandwidth to focus on what we're doing.
A structure is not a script, it’s a roadmap
37:11: Structure is not about memorizing and hitting certain points; it's about directionality, and that can be helpful. And I'm not saying every communication needs to be structured in this way. But for people who are nervous and are novice to the particular circumstances they're in, having a structure helps you get through that communication.
On setting up an environment where people are comfortable communicating
19:17: I firmly believe that we need to hear from as many people as we can to make good decisions. So it is incumbent on those of us in leadership roles—those of us who are teachers, parents—to set up environments where people feel comfortable. And what that means is to encourage people speaking, to listen when they speak, and to make sure that you prize people exploring ideas so you don't shut them down. You don't make people feel bad when they make mistakes. We have to actually set those environments up, and it is incumbent on all of us in positions of status and power to do that, and you do that partially by saying it but, more importantly, by demonstrating it.
What are the three parts of goals?
15:163: A goal has three parts: know, feel, do. You should say, "What is it I want people to know? How do I want them to feel? What is it I might want them to do?" As an intention going into a spontaneous speaking situation, but I don't do as politicians and some business leaders are coached to just morph everything to my goal. I think that leads to some of this disingenuous interaction. So I think it is possible to be goal-driven. I think it is possible to be authentic and, at the same time, spontaneous, adjust, and adapt. But that comes with practice and a little bit of letting go of the pressure we put on ourselves to do these things so right. And it's that pressure that can also make it feel artificial and inauthentic.
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Faculty Profile at Stanford Graduate School of Business
Matt Abrahams on TEDxPaloAlto